Seriously, What are You Jealous About?

Jealousy is a nasty, wasteful emotion that keeps the door closed on many a would-be good man. I know many very nice men that would definitely qualify as a good man if they weren't kind of scary jealous, which is well within what people think is normal and strangely enough their others seem to want or at least appreciate.

Here's how it goes with me and my wife: she does what she wants, I do what I want, and we don't get in each other's way. It's really quite simple. I trust her (obviously I do or I wouldn't have signed up to marry her!), and so I figure she can do whatever she wants. That's reciprocated to me, and honestly, I think of all of the things my wife appreciates about me, she appreciates that I extend her that trust (with no strings attached) without questioning or having to think twice about it.

She's a massage therapist, and I have a few friends that are either massage therapists or with them. Many of the guys in these relationships seem to think that it's rather inappropriate (or unsafe!) for the ladies in their lives to be working on men. I think they're primarily uncomfortable with the idea of the guys that would be getting massages being mostly or completely nude and touched by their ladies, which in that sentence sounds kind of weird until you stop and remember that it's a professional massage. My wife doesn't want other dudes, and if she did, she'd go get them whether I tried to prevent it or not. Why should I be jealous? It really works out like this: I can be jealous (which is not fun to be and does awesome things like cause fights that increase the likelihood of infidelity) and she can choose to betray my (lack of) trust or not, or I can not be jealous and she can choose to betray my trust or not. That means that I can have it one of two ways: unhappy and in a particular boat, so to speak, or happier and in the same boat. The choice is clear.

Listen would-be good men: learn to trust. My wife is free and welcome to go do her own thing, and she absolutely celebrates that freedom. Not once has she given me any realistic reason to doubt her, and so not once have I had to rethink my position. She gets checked out, and that's fine. Guys sometimes come up to her and ask her out. She says no, and I think it's kind of funny (note: I don't get all pissed and want to show that guy what's up).

Listen would-be others of good men: don't take their trust of you as a sign that they don't care. Nothing says "insecure" to me more loudly than someone that tells me that they think I should be jealous. If you need to get my attention that way, then you've got another thing coming. It's way easier than that to get my attention, and it won't involve irritating me. Then again, I'm a good man, so I go out of my way to give my lady attention on a regular basis. Perhaps that strengthens the foundation of trust that our relationship stays happy upon.